we're all so blind
by lightsthecity
Summary: It's easy to pinpoint when things went wrong. It's also easy to see when things got better. That's not the issue.


_A/N: Takes place a few weeks after 4x22._

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><p>It starts with red nails, and a Cartier wedding ring being returned to the store by a prince.<p>

It starts with a white coat, and best friends. _Too many memories._

It starts with flustered girls and boys, and furious parents.

The room is too white, the clock is too loud, and there are far too many pictures of teddy bears and balloons.

She remembers when she was little, and her class would perform at the school concert. They would always put balloons all over the entrance to the auditorium, and Serena always took four at the end of the day. After the concert was over and her parents left her with the nanny, she would pull the nanny's hand over to Blair, Chuck and Nate. They would all beg their caregivers to take them to the park to celebrate. They obliged, sometimes.

Serena would give each of her best friends a balloon, and they would all stand by the pond proudly holding the magical floating pieces of color.

"If you let it go, you can make a wish," Nate tells his friends one day.

All their wishes were always the same - to be happier than their parents.

(And for a while, that wish came true.)

It's easy to pinpoint when things went wrong. It's also easy to see when things got better. That's not the issue.

Blair's pregnant. Serena can't even begin to understand what she's going through but she's trying her hardest to be there for her friend.

The door opens and Serena braces herself for what's to come.

"It's done," Blair walks over to her, tears in her eyes.

"Oh, B." Serena grabs her best friend into a hug. It isn't even close to enough.

_It starts with growing up._

She cries for two days. She cries for her best friend and the pregnancy that shouldn't have happened and all that it means.

Nate comes to see her. He doesn't know what happened but he knows something is wrong with his best friend, and he figures Serena is his best resource, since Chuck isn't telling him anything.

She doesn't tell him what happened, only whispers: "Blair's strong, she'll be okay. Chuck too."

He stays silent but wraps his arms around her, because he sees her bloodshot eyes and knows that she's hurting, too.

...

Blair doesn't cry. She sits in her room for three days, not doing very much of anything, alone. Serena checks on her every few hours but every time she insists that she needs some time alone with her thoughts.

After a week, she calls Dan _Humphrey_, of all people.

He comes over to watch Annie Hall and asks her if she's okay. She flinches, (_does he know?)_ but then she realizes he's talking about her breakup with Louis. She nods, and they watch the movie, discussing the cinematography, the acting and the story. Her heart's not in it, and he can see that but decides against pushing.

Out of nowhere she asks quietly, "Did I do the right thing?"

Dan looks at her carefully, answering in the same tone "About what?"

But then she stops talking entirely and her eyes shift out of focus when she tries to look at him.

His voice hardens, and he repeats himself (only once, thankfully) "About what, Blair?"

She doesn't answer, so he leaves at the end of the movie, saying only, "If you want to talk, I'm here."

"I know," she replies in a whisper, then turns her back to the door.

After a week and a half, Chuck comes by, unannounced.

He has that same look on his face that he had when he found out his mother was in alliance with Jack and not him. He looks at Blair, lying on her stomach, reading something on her laptop. Her hair is a mess and she's not wearing any makeup.

He sits down beside her, kicking off his shoes. He places a hand on her back, "Blair."

She moves so that she's sitting beside him and studies his expression carefully, "How are you?"

He exhales slowly, "A little better, you?"

"Better, or the same. I don't know."

He stays for an hour, maybe. They talk about everything.

Her whole body is aching when he hugs her as he's leaving. (She cries for the first time that day.)

The next day, she makes Serena go out for lunch with her, and she thinks it's the start of her healing.

The next day, he tells Nate everything.

...

It seems everyone wants answers from Serena.

A concerned Dan rides the elevator to the penthouse one day and finds her, Lily, Chuck, and Nate having coffee around the bar. They look solemn but they aren't carrying that heavy air that Blair had earlier in the week. He greets them all politely, Chuck less so than the others, then: "Serena, can I talk to you?"

Nate and Chuck both shoot her a look that Dan doesn't miss, but she goes with him anyway into her bedroom. "I know you don't exactly approve of my friendship with Blair, but I'm really worried. What happened to her Why was she so upset last time I saw her?" he pauses as he sees she's about to respond, "And _don't _tell me it's because of Louis. Blair has too much pride to be this upset about a guy."

A faint tinge of something - maybe jealousy - laces her words, "When did you see Blair?"

"Serena, please."

"You know I can't tell you, Dan. If she wants to tell you what happened then she will."

She sees the pain in his eyes as he says, "Is she okay?"

Serena sighs, "She will be."

"I should go. Thanks."

He leaves, and she joins her mother and her friends as they finish their coffees.

...

Weeks go by. Dan comes over every Wednesday to watch a movie.

Blair still hasn't told him anything, but he's starting to be okay with that, since she's getting better. He's starting to be okay with a lot of things - like just being her friend and knowing that she and Chuck walk around Central Park together a few times each week.

Dan and Blair's conversations are just as they were before summer, engaging and always stopping at the exact moment when things are about to get serious.

Classes start on Monday and she can't wait for the return of some structure and normalcy, not to mention the distraction of schoolwork.

...

Blair, Serena and Nate all walk to campus together on the first day of classes, and suddenly it feels like they're 12 again - three best friends walking to school together with not a care in the world.

(And that's what it is, if only for a minute or so.)

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><p><strong>AN: **This kind of wrote itself. Very unsure how I feel about it, but very curious as to what others do. Review?


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